"You are like Supermom."
That is a phrase that I never pictured someone saying to me. It even took me a minute to process. Did she really say that? But tonight at a MOPS dessert night I went to, it really did happen. After the surprise, I started thinking "wow, me? Supermom? What a dream come true! Someone thinks I am a Supermom!" Shortly after this amazing phrase was said to me I had to hop in my car to head home in time to nurse my littlest before bed.
Sometimes when I get the chance to be in the car alone I like to turn the radio off and just be alone in the silence because let's be honest, silence is not a sound that moms hear very often. Suddenly, I am alone in my thoughts "Supermom. Wow. I used to think of Mary (I am going to make these names up) or Becky as supermom and be jealous and wish I could be like that. I remember even crying about it when I was feeling a little postpartum after my 2nd baby was born and feeling like I was not a good enough mom."
Then God came into the conversation...."And how did that make you feel?"
Oh dear, there goes my "supermom" high. That did not make me feel great at all. In fact, I went through a really hard time thinking that God shouldn't have even given me a second child because I just couldn't do it, it was too hard. Too exhausting. She was too fussy and her big brother was into everything and I just was not patient enough. Then I would look at the supermoms I saw around me and think "I should be like that."
God joins in again "And today? Were you supermom today?"
Hmmmm.... Well let's see... I started my day off struggling with a really bad attitude, having a pity party about a couple of things going on in my life right now. A commitment I made even though I didn't really want to, bills piling up with the car breaking down and family members needing dental work, etc. Whine, whine, whine. Then God reminded me that I have WAY too many blessings in my life to be whiny so I resolved to be more grateful and less whiny.
Then I hear the kids fighting in their room. Sigh. Not a good way to start the day. I break that one up. Shortly after that, another fight ensues. And then I yell at them. UGH, I hate when I yell. That certainly doesn't feel very supermom-ly. What is the deal this morning they don't usually wake up this grumpy? Okay moving on...
We have 40 minutes to get ready and get out the door for my son's dentist appointment. He has to have a cavity drilled. Yes my 5 year old has a cavity. THAT makes me feel like a terrible mom. In the next 40 minutes I had to change the baby twice due to spit up and my 3 year old daughter twice due to spilled milk (don't worry I didn't cry) and a little bathroom situation that involved her not getting her skirt out of the way enough. I was very frustrated at her and I made sure she knew it. I hate mornings that require rushing. It never fails that I get stressed out and end up yelling or talking meanly to one or both of my older kids. Finally we get out the door and make it on time.
Fast forward though a mostly successful day of laundry, home school (where everyone had great attitudes today) to dinner time. I like to cook, but only when my hubby is home to watch the kids. Today he was not home. This resulted in the kids getting into things, me getting frustrated, me yelling (again, I hate that I yell) and finally everyone sitting down to dinner. Literally the second I sit down to eat, the baby wakes up screaming and my hubby is not home yet because he had a meeting on the other side of town so I got wrangle a baby while eating and watching my 3 year old daughter forgo the fork to eat with her hands. She actually dissected the green beans and only ate the little bean parts from the middle, but hey she technically ate green beans, so I decide to be satisfied, but I do give her a hard time about the mess that she makes every time she eats.
So, the parts of my day that are sticking out most to me right now are me getting frustrated and yelling, oh and the dishes piled in my sink and laundry piled in my living room. Not feeling so supermom anymore....
"But, but, she said..."
So what would make her say that? I do get a lot of things done. I work 15 hours a week from home. I home school. I try lots of home made cleaners and things. I cook. I blog. I have 3 kids, that has to count for something! Okay, so I am pretty good at time management with my obsessive compulsive Excel spreadsheet schedule (true story, people). Okay the women that I have looked at as supermoms in the past, what has made me think that? Well, one of them is always going and doing fun things with her kids. The zoo, parks, splash pads. Her kids have tons of fun. And the other mom, well, she is so creative coming up with these cool fun learning activities for her kids to do. Oh and this other friend, does these great bible studies with her kids and is SO good at showing them God in everything they do.
Then it hit me. We all have different gifts or talents. None of us are Supermom. If we were, we wouldn't understand our need for God and his amazing grace. I yelled at my kids today because I was frustrated, but they forgave me and so did God. After all, He is the one that gently convicted me about it and lead me to apologize to my kids. I may get a lot done, but it is only because God gave me the gift of time management. I say that loosely because there are plenty of things I forget about and let slip through the cracks. We all fail, but we all have the same gift of forgiveness being offered to us by our Savior.
My first thought at being called "Supermom" may have been, "what a dream come true" but now my thought is "I have them fooled. I have to tell them the truth."
I don't want anyone ever to look at me and think "I wish I were more like her" I have done that so many times when looking at some of the amazing women in my life and it is painful. Why do we do this to ourselves?
God does not call us to be someone that others call "Supermom". God does not call us to live so that others give us glory. I want to live in a way that gives HIM glory. When I succeed, it is because HE helped me. When I fail, HE forgives me. When I compare myself to the "Supermoms" I see, HE reminds me that it is not my peers that I am to strive to be like. It is Jesus. If there is one thing that I want people to look at me and see, it is a sinner saved by grace, doing my best to be the woman that God calls me to be. I am not perfect, but I am forgiven.
So now you know the truth. ;)
Thank you Lord, for not letting me become prideful. Thank you for gently reminding me that I need You everyday.